In case you wanted to know what I think about pants.

My thoughts are all over the place on this topic and watching the drama unfold on Facebook has been all-consuming.  I have wanted to sit at my computer and organize my thoughts but I keep hitting the delete key.  There are too many.  

Some people started a group, and they wanted to have a small event that would be meaningful to their feminist cause—the cause being gender inequalities in the Mormon church.   They thought a good way to quietly call attention to some of these issues would be to wear pants to church on a chosen Sunday.

From their own statement:

“The creators of this event are feminists who recognize pants are a symbol of much larger issues that require addressing. This event is the first act of All Enlisted, a direct action group for Mormon women to advocate for equality within our faith. We do not seek to eradicate the differences between women and men, but we do want the LDS church and its members to acknowledge the similarities. We believe that much of the cultural, structural, and even doctrinal inequality that persists in the LDS church today stems from the church's reliance on – and enforcement of – rigid gender roles that bear no relationship to reality.

We subscribe to the Book of Mormon teaching that “all are alike unto God,” and hope that our choice to wear pants to our Sunday worship services (a choice sanctioned by our spiritual leaders over 40 years ago!) reminds our families, congregations, and leaders that we have not forgotten this gospel truth.”

I am too exhausted to even go over the issues.  What the purpose was, what the purpose turned into, how huge this thing got.  It’s gotten kind of murky, probably for everyone.   It started out being not really about the pants, and then it really really wasn’t about the pants but about everything else.  And also pants.

At this root of this event is my friend Stephanie.  Maybe you've seen her on the news. This is a woman who is smart, passionate, compassionate, funny and who lives her life out loud.  She is very open with her issues with Mormonism.  She wants it to be a better safer place for women.  If you think Stephanie is ridiculous then please head over to her blog and get to know her a little better.  Start here.   Me?  I’m trying to forget the comment I read where someone said “If you want to follow this lady to hell then go right ahead.”  REALLY?

So tonight I am distraught at the ugliness that has come out in the name of faith, religion, Christianity.

It is never okay to belittle people for having concerns and for taking action.  Just because it isn’t important to you doesn’t mean it isn’t important.  Just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean it is stupid.  Just because you have never felt marginalized or less than in the Mormon religion doesn’t mean that others are wrong in the way they’ve experienced it.  Telling these women that they need to find something better to do, that they need to shift their focus in a different direction, that there are more pressing issues—all of it is unproductive and unkind.  And it doesn’t prove your point.  It makes the general active population of the church look intolerant and pretty scary.  I’ve seen people calling other people stupid.  I’ve seen people telling other people that their self-esteem is too low.  I’ve seen people called prideful.  I’ve seen people call other people dramatic and attention seeking.  I’ve seen many many people telling the Wear Pants people to leave the church because they are too weak and are just bringing the rest of them down.  

There have even been death threats.  "Activists should all be shot in the face.  At point blank range."  Charming!  And wow, you are making your church look really awesome right about now!

This weekend I’m embarrassed to have anything to do with the Mormon church.  That’s a bitter pill to swallow since it’s the only culture I’ve ever known.  I’m not active in the church, but I have friends and family who are and I certainly will always feel a bit like a Mormon girl, even though I grew up to be a non-Mormon woman.

See I just got sidetracked and I stopped my writing to head over to Facebook and see what the latest comments were like on the Wear Pants to Church Day page.  Here is what I found.  

“This is all stupid…. Your whole scheme, the theatrics, the petty campaign you are running is just shameful.”

“May all who wear pants to Church today in a spirit of rebellion for some supposed grievance be excommunicated. We don't want rebellious Mormons within the Church, but God-fearing, obedient ones. All others can leave.”

Ugh.  Back to gathering my thoughts.

I have left the church.  It was the right thing for me.  I have lots of friends who have found problems within the church but who desire to stay because they believe in it.  If I were one of those kinds of people this is the message I would have received over this last week:  There is no room for you in this church.  Things will never change (even with the belief in continuing revelation).  Get in line or get out completely.  Your concerns are petty and unimportant.  Who do you think you are?

Is there room in the church for everyone?  If your heart and soul won’t let you conform then what choice do you have?  

Clearly this whole debacle has put me in a very pensive state of mind.  I’ve been a bit of a ticking time bomb and I might have yelled at my mom and sister when I thought they JUST DIDN’T GET IT.  Sorry guys.  

I have a strong desire in my heart for peace.  A dear friend pointed out to me last week that I am a people pleaser.  I was totally offended!  I never would have considered myself a people pleaser and I was shocked she would tag me as one.  She rephrased and said “You are a peacemaker.  You want everyone to be comfortable, and you sacrifice yourself in the meantime.”  It’s true.  I feel injustices deeply.  I hate to be misunderstood.  I feel it deeply when people I care about are mistreated or misunderstood.  I want to stand up for them, I talk about standing up for them, I obsess about standing up for them….. and then I rarely take action.  I do this because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I don’t want to have contention.  I’m going to try to take a page from Stephanie’s book and be a little braver.   I hope I can do it.  Speaking up about pants right now is my first try.  

Taking a deep breath.