Water.

So water aerobics.  Let’s talk about it.  It’s my newest exercise craze.  I’ve been going pretty faithfully for the last few months and I love it!  My friend Becky talked me into going and I said to Becky “We’re going to be the youngest people there and it’s going to be embarrassing.”

Well, we were some of the youngest people there, which as it turns out is not really embarrassing.  Being the youngest means being the hottest (relatively speaking of course).  So it was awesome!  And furthermore I have never worked out so hard in my life.  After my first class I almost couldn’t get my locker open, my hands were shaking so bad.  I think we have lucked into one amazing teacher because I’ve tried a couple of others and they just don’t cut it.  There is only one true water aerobics teacher.  But I can’t tell you who it is because I don’t want you crampin’ my style.

I’m usually not a fan of exercising in a group because I don’t like to be told what to do.  You tell me to do 10 more reps?  I’m going to tell you to kiss off.  Work harder?  I don’t think so.  For some reason this doesn’t apply to water aerobics.  I think part of it is that I’m always trying to be a rock star and always pick someone from the class I’m going to secretly be competing with for the whole hour.  I think that the other part of it is that under the camouflage of the water I’m not embarrassed to look stupid.

I realize that you think water aerobics is for the geriatric crowd.  But nothing brings me more secret joy than a new guy coming to class and wussing out after about 25 minutes.  Score!  It has happened several times in the last few months.  Also, I love the geriatric crowd.  They are super nice.



So a couple of nights ago I go to class with my sisters.  It’s totally crowded at the gym.  The hot tub is full of dudes.  They all face the pool and they stare.  And they look totally stupid, which is funny because you know they think we look totally stupid.  I assure you, they look worse.  Tonight I’m watching the stare-hards and one guy turns to another guy and starts sort of mimicking what we’re doing in the pool and they yak it up for a second.  Wahahaha.  And I am FUMING.  I’m shooting him laser beams of death out of my eyes.  Not sure if he was picking up on the rage or not but I was ready to throw down with this guy.

Oh how easy it is to mock the exercisers from the ease and comfort of the hot tub!!  How’s the water in there guy?

What a lame-o.  So after a few minutes he gets out of the hot tub to get a drink of water.  And who is this fellow who dares to mock us from the ease and comfort of the hot tub?  Is he a candidate for Mr. Universe?  Is he a svelte runner type?  No.  He is a guy whose swim trunks are all but painted on to his chunky butt.  Nice.