Bootay.

I like to read while I eat.  I learned from watching Ruby this is not a very good idea.  I should be mindfully eating.  Chewing each bite 48 times, praying about the flavor, whatever. 

I like to read while I eat so I can ignore my kids for a few minutes while we sit at the same table.  They take the opportunity while I am zoned out to pour their drinks into their bowls or onto the table and floor so they can fingerpaint.  I am about to revoke beverage rights.  Beverages at this house turn into toys.  It’s retarded.

Today at lunch I was reading the latest ad from Bed Bath and Beyond.  They are already pushing the back to school get your dorm ready gear.  It’s July!  So I was looking at an over the door shoe rack and next to it was an As Seen On TV product.  The Booty Pop.  I have never heard of the Booty Pop!  Does that infomercial come on after the one for P90X?  For people who want to get bootylicious without any actual exercise?  Is a Booty Pop kind of like a Bump It for your rear end?  Like a prosthetic butt?  I wish the Booty Pop was actually a device which would divert fat from other parts of your body and put it on the underside of your butt making you look like J-Lo.  Love handles?  Not today.  Got my Booty Pop on.  Neck rolls?  No way.  Just a fine bootay.

I think Tyra should have gotten in on this one and called it the Booty Tootch.  Tootch your booty!

Warning:  I just read on the Booty Pop website that wearing Booty Pop will cause men to take notice and the makers of Booty Pop are not responsible for all that extra attention you are going to get.  Hire a bodyguard.  And don’t let your bodyguard wear his Booty Pop at the same time.  Danger.